Behind the Deals: The Groupon Lunch Hour

Groupon employees start out as regular people—and, like regular people, they must eat at least once a day. Taking a standard lunch hour is encouraged, and Groupon’s staff of overachievers spends this hour carefully:

**00:01:** Reluctantly leave desk.

**00:02–00:10:** Procure and consume nutritionally balanced midday meal.

**00:11–00:14:** Consider alternate renewable fuel source, possibly derived from methane oceans of Saturn’s moon of Titan, for Groupon’s generators.

**00:15–00:19:** Sketch schematics for unmanned intrasolar mining craft on Quiznos napkin.

**00:20:** Abandon schematic in disgust after realizing the disproportional amount of energy exerted solely in the mining operation to transport cost of the harvested compressed methane. _What were you thinking?_

**00:21–00:26:** Take third of 15 daily productivity-boosting microsleeps.

**00:27–00:30:** Revisit Titan mining prospect. A series of piggy-backed lunar base stations could serve as remote processing plants, effectively combining the transport time and refining process while serving as the foundation for long-term species preservation and terraforming initiatives.

**00:31:** Abandon plan again. You forgot to account for solar-synchronous orbit, _you idiot_. Seriously, where is your head today?

**00:32–00:45:** Spend some time petting Groofer, the Official Groupon Dog™.

**00:46–00:55:** Wait! Transporting Titanian methane in its natural liquid state would actually cut _down_ on the refining process, since the energy required to compress natural gas is so—

**00:56–00:59** OK, seriously, drop it. I’m surprised you’ve survived this long without trying to catch a train by reaching out and grabbing one as it passes. Methane is a carbon-dioxide-churning, ozone-layer-depleting greenhouse gas. Rather than going into space and bringing back barrels of poison, why don’t you just use offshore wind and tidal farms to generate hydrogen, which is transmittable back to coastal power stations by upgrading existing natural-gas pipelines with modernized leakage and permeation seals in order to compensate for its lower molecular weight?

**00:60:** That sounds doable.

  • Love Groupon!! Just ate a donut from Howell’s Pumpkin Farm. Have you tried one yet? Unbelievably good. I wouldn’t have known about them if it wasn’t for Groupon. Now I will be a frequent visitor to their booth in Fonthill. Hope they put another coupon on Groupon.
    Oh and by the way, family had a great time at Zooz. Thanks so much.

  • “Harvey T. commented on Sand Dollar Groupon, Jacksonville, FL

    This is the place that I always take my out of town guests to eat and lazily gaze at old man river. We have spotted manatees and other fun things from the outdoor deck on more than one occasion, and the river traffic is fun to watch too. The food and the service at Sand Dollar are GREAT! Can’t find better seafood anywhere.. and I’ve tried them all.
    I’d buy this Groupon right now but I can’t find the “minimum purchase” provision on this one anywhere in the ad. That is usually the negative about Groupons. They don’t always level with ya.”

  • Groupon, from whom I own many coupons, does not always lay out ALL the facts about each deal. Better to call the restaurant and discuss what you get for your money, and what you must do to get it. Maybe the crew at Groupon should pay a little more attention to the nitty gritty details to avoid customer negatives.

  • Harvey, sorry to hear that you had a negative experience. Please always follow up with us at support@groupon.com so we can address any issue with you. We can work to make it right and help.

    Thea @ Groupon

Comments are closed.